I spent a lot of time thinking about the difference between these three this week prompted by a great post by Lane over at http://quiltfool.blogspot.com/2011/07/self-indulgence-vs-self-care.html.
I've been totally nose to the grindstone over the last few months. Head down from morning til evening trying to organise a new team with a lot of very inexperience people. It was frustrating, irritating, rage making on occasion, challenging, stimulating, satisfying and confidence building. However, it has all been pointless, as a couple of weeks ago the head honchos took the decision to put the project on hold so we came to a screeching halt. It was the right decision as what had been delivered from the developers was a big pile of poo. Totally crap and to try and go live with it would have been a disaster.
What it means though is a lot of the people on my team who thought they had contracts until Christmas are being let go. I'm finishing as well, but I only took the contract until August so am only going a couple of weeks early. So for the last couple of weeks its been really weird. They are insisting we go in to work the 4 weeks notice period even though no one apart from me has anything to do. People are also quite bitter as this is happening due to the failure of other teams.
But what its meant is finally this week I've had some time to think about stuff other than work. All my good intentions at the beginning of the year went down the drain with hotel living. I stopped my little bit of exercise and have been eating and drinking far too much. I probably weigh more now than I did at the start of the year. I haven't dared try the scales yet.
So back to the title, the way I live is harmful and I make that choice for some reason. Its not good to be fat and in your 40s and so unfit. Other people can do this sort of work and look after themselves better, I just make excuses to myself that its the hotel living and I need to work out why. I'll been off for most of August and September, I have another contract for October, but that one is much easier and commutable. I've got no reason except my own attitute not to make a big difference over the next few months.
On the positive side as this has turned into such a glum post, I had a lovely room in the hotel this week with a patio. As I wasn't exactly busy, I got plenty of time to enjoy it. And sitting out there, with my ipod and hand sewing was very very pleasant. Sometimes, its the little moments that make it all worthwhile.