Friday, 22 July 2011

Self care, self indulgence, self harm?

I spent a lot of time thinking about the difference between these three this week prompted by a great post by Lane over at http://quiltfool.blogspot.com/2011/07/self-indulgence-vs-self-care.html.

I've been totally nose to the grindstone over the last few months. Head down from morning til evening trying to organise a new team with a lot of very inexperience people. It was frustrating, irritating, rage making on occasion, challenging, stimulating, satisfying and confidence building. However, it has all been pointless, as a couple of weeks ago the head honchos took the decision to put the project on hold so we came to a screeching halt. It was the right decision as what had been delivered from the developers was a big pile of poo. Totally crap and to try and go live with it would have been a disaster.

What it means though is a lot of the people on my team who thought they had contracts until Christmas are being let go. I'm finishing as well, but I only took the contract until August so am only going a couple of weeks early. So for the last couple of weeks its been really weird. They are insisting we go in to work the 4 weeks notice period even though no one apart from me has anything to do. People are also quite bitter as this is happening due to the failure of other teams.

But what its meant is finally this week I've had some time to think about stuff other than work. All my good intentions at the beginning of the year went down the drain with hotel living. I stopped my little bit of exercise and have been eating and drinking far too much. I probably weigh more now than I did at the start of the year. I haven't dared try the scales yet.

So back to the title, the way I live is harmful and I make that choice for some reason. Its not good to be fat and in your 40s and so unfit. Other people can do this sort of work and look after themselves better, I just make excuses to myself that its the hotel living and I need to work out why. I'll been off for most of August and September, I have another contract for October, but that one is much easier and commutable. I've got no reason except my own attitute not to make a big difference over the next few months.

On the positive side as this has turned into such a glum post, I had a lovely room in the hotel this week with a patio. As I wasn't exactly busy, I got plenty of time to enjoy it. And sitting out there, with my ipod and hand sewing was very very pleasant. Sometimes, its the little moments that make it all worthwhile.

7 comments:

Inspiredbyfelix said...

Hi Shevvy, having done both the IT project thing (depressing) and the hotel thing (too many three course meals and booze!), I know exactly how these things happen! I wish you all the best with deciding on your lifestyle, and hope that commutable job will allow you to make some easy choices about your health. Even just walking to the train everyday will help :)

Sarah said...

good luck with work, it sounds pretty unpleasant at the moment :-( That kind of work environment must be a tough lifestyle. Keep looking forward, dont beat yourself up for how you've been living - just think about what you can do today to make yourself feel better :-)

Shay said...

I can completely understand how living in a hotel means your entire routine gets chucked out the window. Everything is different and almost nothing familiar is there to help you stick to a routine. I'd hate it. Add to that 12 hour days and no headspace to think about anything other than work and it's no wonder you're feeling the way you are!

Maybe the opportunity to reflect has helped you make some decisions about what you'd like to do next in terms of self care. I probably need to spend some time doing that too!

Love those hexies. I still havent bitten that bullet but I can feel the time is getting closer when Im just going to go for it.

Susan said...

Being away from your own home on a regular basis makes everything more difficult. A stressful job added to that does not help. Hopefully some time off to relax and take stock of what you want will help. I too weigh too much and have only recently started to drop a few pounds just by cutting out a portion of the crap that could pass my lips. Baby steps here, next I need to gently up my exercise. I know from experience that if I implement a huge new routine and diet it will all go wrong within a week. I need to make small changes I can stick to. Hope you can do this too. Being back home will help I am sure. And your hexies are beautiful!

Helsie said...

When you don't prepare what you eat having the self control to do the RIGHT thing is almost impossible. If I was in your position I would not be making the right choices either. Of course this doesn't help you but at least you know you're not alone in being weak. I am also in the process of having a strong conversation with myself!
Cheers
Helen

Michelle said...

I think one of the hardest things to understand is that in terms of a good diet and exercise, we are worth it.

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